So over the past few weeks, I hit some rough patches.
In fact, one day in particular was one of the roughest days I’ve had in a while.
There were a lot of tears.
A complete emotional breakdown.
After feeling my way through it, I uncovered the cause behind my meltdown…
My unhealthy pattern to please other people– my unhealthy pattern of always saying YES to the wants and needs of other people.
And I realized how critical it was to my health and overall well-being to stop once and for all! That’s why I created this video- for my benefit and yours.
To WATCH, “How to Stop Being a People Pleaser,” click the image below.
with gratitude and much love,
Hey guys, welcome back. Happy Wednesday! If you’re new here, I’m Shaina Leis. This is the channel where you learn, laugh and get inspired all at the same time.
Speaking of emotional breakdowns…
I had two of them in the past two weeks and it did not feel good.
I’m somebody who doesn’t recognize when I’m stressed until it builds up and I explode. I’ll do a separate video about that, but long story short, after swimming in my very own pool of tears, I came to the realization that the culprit? My tendency to continuously please other people.
So that’s what I’m talking about today- how to stop being a people pleaser! For my benefit and yours. Let’s go.
So what is a people pleaser? A people pleaser is somebody who never says “NO”- somebody who constantly puts the needs of other people before his/ or her own.
Can you walk my cat? Sure. Will you put pepper on my sandwich? Why not.
You can always count on a people pleaser for favors.
But as I’ve learned firsthand, saying YES all of the time can become an unhealthy pattern of behavior.
And here’s why!
1. When you put the needs and wants of other people first, you neglect yourself and what you need and want the most.
2. You become passive aggressive and build up resentment. For example, somebody says, “Hey, I need you to work on Saturday. Can you do it?” You say yes to be kind and please the other person even though you really don’t want to work on Saturday.
You suppress your anger which turns into passive aggression (maybe you make a sarcastic joke or attempt to let the other person know you’re annoyed in the most indirect way possible), and then CUE the resentment. Resentment being the king of relationship destroyers.
3. Your enjoyment level is low. In fact, you feel miserable while doing the thing you said YES to that you don’t actually want to be doing.
4. STRESS! That’s a no brainer- taking on more than you can handle will cause stress.
5. You risk being taken advantage of. If you give a mouse a cookie…enough said.
So how do we stop the unhealthy pattern of people pleasing?
First let me say that wanting to take care of others is not a bad thing, but it is a bad thing when you’re doing it at the expense of yourself.
So it’s important to of course create a balance. There’s a reason we are instructed to put our oxygen mask on first before assisting others. Because we can’t help others if we’re dead.
Check in with yourself first. What do you want to do? What needs to be done or not done to make sure you’re fully happy and fulfilled.
Speak up and create boundaries. Most of the time people that you think are taking advantage of you usually don’t realize you’re overtaxing yourself or don’t know what your boundaries are because you’ve never set any.
We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, stop or reinforce. If someone takes advantage, it’s only their fault once.
You must set boundaries about what you can do and cannot do. And once you set these boundaries, it’s equally important to stick to them.
If people feel disappointed or angry that you don’t say yes (or continue to say yes all the time), remember that that is their problem, not yours. Do not feel guilty. You should never feel guilty for taking care of yourself…the very big lesson that I am now learning. And I hope a lesson that you take and learn from as well.
That’s it for today guys. Thanks so much for watching. Subscribe to my channel for a new video every week. See you next week. Bye!
Hi there! I'm Shaina Leis- founder of this inspirational space :) I'm a Certified Life Coach with a passion for helping young adults better themselves and their lives. In this blog, you'll find general advice, career guidance and so much more. Have fun!