What To Do When You Feel Lonely

February 3, 2016 | Written with Love By: Shaina Leis

So I went back and forth on whether or not to post this first video.

I thought…do I really want to be this transparent on the Internet? I’ve seen other people do it (and I admire it greatly), but me!??? Not so sure.

But after much deliberation, I pushed my fear aside and chose to lean into vulnerability and hit the publish button.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t cringe at the thought of a stranger watching this, or even worse- somebody that I know! The HORROR. Can I curl up into a ball and hide now?

So maybe it’s my latest read, Daring Greatly by the incredible Brene Brown that inspired me or my good friend Jen Csajko’s recent blog posts on the subject (you can check out her website here: www.jennifercsajko.com) but regardless, I DID it!

My hope is that my willingness to be vulnerable this week will not only inspire me to continuously expose myself (emotionally) in the future, but that it will inspire YOU to do the same.

After all, letting ourselves be seen is not a weakness, but the most accurate measure of courage.

To watch, “What To Do When You Feel Lonely,” CLICK HERE!

With gratitude and much love,

xo,

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Hey guys. Welcome back, if you’re new here, I’m Shaina. Today, I thought I’d just sit down and talk about the subject of loneliness. Partly, because I’ve been feeling lonely myself lately, for the past few weeks, and share with you how I’ve managed it so that you can overcome it as well.

OPENING

For me, it’s been a combination of things. For starters, when the holidays are over, there’s a somber energy in the air that I pick up on. For those of you who don’t know, I live in California which is 3,000 miles away from my family and friends so the transition from being there to coming back never gets any easier. Even though I’ve lived here for a while now. Also, somebody I’m really close with has gone away so to speak and there’s zero communication so I’ve lost a pretty big relationship in my life. And the last point which is probably the heaviest I would say, is doing what you love, going after your dreams can get very lonely. And I knew this going in, by just hearing it from successful people, but man oh man when you’re in it, you’re in it. And guys, I am an introvert, I’m a very independent person and extremely comfortable being by myself- so for me to feel lonely, it takes A LOT!

Now, I do want to point out that I’m not talking about depression lonely. I am not unhappy, I don’t struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I’m not in a low. None of that, so if you think that depression is part of your equation, then it definitely deserves attention from a doctor. And I’m not a doctor.

The loneliness I’m referring to is more like a hole in your heart, or better put, it’s a lack of human connection. And connection is really important right? In fact, it’s why we are here on Earth is to connect with one another. And if you’re familiar with human fear, you know that all of our fears (fear of rejection, fear of failure, etc) they all funnel down to one ultimate fear- the fear of being alone, the fear of abandonment. Just to paint a picture of how important connection is.

So this is the type of lonely I’m talking about- where you feel removed from other people, if that makes sense. And guys, you don’t have to be isolated or living far from home like I am, or single to feel lonely right? There are people who are married who feel lonely (Maybe they’re disconnected from their spouse). Or somebody with a lot of friends may feel lonely, because they haven’t resolved what’s going on inside that it’s making it difficult to connect with others. *Britney spears reference

Ok, so how to manage your loneliness?

1.) Find the root of your loneliness. Like I did in the beginning of this video, you want to pinpoint where it’s all stemming from. It may be super obvious, like maybe you’ve broken up with someone who was a big part of your life, or maybe it’s a combination of things. In that case, you may need to do a little digging. Ignoring your feelings is just going to make them fester even more. Just face it head on and take time to grieve if necessary.

2.) Care for yourself. If a small child came up to you and said, “I’m feeling lonely and left out.” You wouldn’t say, “that’s right. You’re a loser. You have no friends. You’ll be alone forever.” You’d comfort that child and provide encouraging words. Provide this same sense of love and care toward yourself.

3.) Take your loneliness and channel it elsewhere. I took mine and made this video because it’s what I enjoy doing and when you channel your energy into something your passionate about, it can be very therapeutic. When you’re doing something that feels fun to you, you’re completely grounded in the present moment, which means you aren’t all up in your head and having negative thoughts that are contributing to your loneliness.

4.) Connect. With someone in real life, in person. To fill that void of connection, it’s sometimes as easy as just putting yourself out there. But choose wisely. Because if you surround yourself with a person or persons that you don’t actually “connect” with on an emotional level, you may feel even lonelier than before.

It’s like well man, I made an effort and I didn’t feel the connection even when I’m trying to be around people and connect, now I feel like a complete loser. So make sure you’re meeting up with a person or persons who you feel a genuine connection with and can be 100% yourself with. That’s the real point I was trying to get too.

5.) Grow from this. What have you learned from this period of loneliness? Maybe you’ve realized not that I have to, but that I want to start putting myself out there more- join a group of some sort that shares similar interests, start dating again, set up a regular coffee date once a week with a friend to slowly ease into expanding your social life.

WELCOME!

Hi there! I'm Shaina Leis- founder of this inspirational space :) I'm a Certified Life Coach with a passion for helping young adults better themselves and their lives. In this blog, you'll find general advice, career guidance and so much more. Have fun!

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