Today, we’re switching gears from the topic of career to relationships- specifically the aftermath of a break-up.
Whether you’re the one who’s initiating the break-up or you’re the “breakee,” break ups are never easy. But fortunately, there’s a way to lessen your suffering so that you can bounce back and feel happy again- all while growing and bettering yourself.
This week’s Q&A video was inspired by Angie- whose seeking some advice on recovering from a recent, bad breakup with her “first love.”
I share some of my quick tips on how to move past the heartache and discover your inner spark again.
To WATCH, “How to Recover from a Break-Up & Get Back on Track,” click the image below!
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with gratitude and much love,
Hey guys…Happy Wednesday! I’m Shaina Leis if you’re new here. Welcome to the world of bettering yourself from the inside, out. It’s another Q&A type of day- where I answer one of YOUR questions. Hit it…
Today’s question comes from Angie!
I was in my first serious relationship for about a year until recently, when things ended pretty badly. I’m having a hard time understanding why he doesn’t want to be with me anymore or why I wasn’t good enough. How can you get over a prior relationship that took a toll on you and focus on being a better person, growing and being happy again?” Angie
Thank you for the question Angie-
Let’s first talk about Clean Pain Versus Dirty Pain. Clean pain is the heartbreak and emotional distress you feel in the initial stage of a breakup. A breakup can be very sad- this person has been in your life and now all of a sudden, they’re not. So that initial pain is considered clean and necessary to feel through in order to heal.
Dirty pain on the other hand, you have 100% control over and it’s where people tend to suffer the most. Dirty pain is the crappy thinking you have after a breakup.
For example: “I’m never going to find someone like him again. I’m going to be alone forever. I wasn’t good enough. There’s something wrong with me.”
No bueno. These thoughts keep you suffering and make it difficult to move on.
So it’s really important once you’ve grieved the relationship, that you’re not buying into these BS thoughts…because they’re NOT true.
So for you Angie and anyone else out there whose struggling to bounce back from a breakup, you first must pinpoint the crappy thoughts you’re believing. For example, you said “I wasn’t good enough,” take that and TURN IT AROUND. Because girl it’s not TRUE.
Write down 10 reasons why you are more than enough! People break up everyday. It’s not that you’re not good enough- that relationship was just not right for you…
…with that being said. ACCEPT THE OUTCOME for what it is and without the added stories you’re creating on the FACT. Get to a place of, “This wasn’t meant to be (or at least not right now).
And on the flip side, you want to take ownership for your role in the relationship…what are the things maybe you’re not so proud of that you’d like to better moving forward?
Guys, this is where some major self-coaching can work wonders. Grab a journal and write down…
– 10 reasons this relationship was not PERFECT for me
– 10 reasons I deserve nothing but the best
– 10 things I learned from this relationship (that will create a happier more successful relationship in the future).
Get to a place of EMPOWERMENT!
Sometimes in relationships, we lose ourselves. We become consumed and sometimes dependent on the person we’re with for our happiness and emotional well-being. So when we breakup, it feels like he/ she took our happiness with them.
Well first of all, that never makes for a healthy relationship anyway, but secondly now is the time to regain your independence. You don’t need your ex to feel good, or to tell you you’re good enough. You are responsible for you, so take back your power and…
REDIRECT YOUR FOCUS & ENERGY onto yourself. Do more of the things that you enjoy doing- start creating happiness within, right now. Like I said before, manage that self-talk and show yourself some self-love.
That’s it for today guys. If you want your question featured on my channel, it’s as easy as signing up for my email list (link down below) and sending me your burning question. SUBSCRIBE for a new, free video every week, and I’ll see you next Wednesday, Bye!!
Hi there! I'm Shaina Leis- founder of this inspirational space :) I'm a Certified Life Coach with a passion for helping young adults better themselves and their lives. In this blog, you'll find general advice, career guidance and so much more. Have fun!